I'm sure by now you know that I am a relationship guru because all of my relationships have worked out so well. So with out further ado, here are your tips:
1. Make the strangest faces possible every time he looks at you.
This will convince him you're not at all crazy, and are actually really cute.
2. Drool on him.
If he happens to bump into or even says: "Hey, you have some spinach in your teeth." You should definitely drool and make some weird noises, this will tell him that you are single and looking.
3. Offer to help him to his car.
So you just made a crazy face and drooled on his brand new shoes, you're off to a great start. Now you need to really make sure he's interested. Tell him there is ice out in the parking lot and you would love to hold his hand so he doesn't slip and fall. This lets him know you're helpful and sweet.
4. Snort, LOUDLY. You know when you laugh so hard your face turns purple and you're not actually making any noise but clapping like a retarded seal and realize its been seven minutes since you breathed? THIS is the perfect time to inhale in such a way you make a loud snorting sound and pee yourself a little because you're laughing even harder. He will be insanely attracted to you, guaranteed.
5. Learn from my mistakes and DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT do any of the above. Otherwise you will end up, like me, dating the man of your dreams - IN your dreams.
I am currently mentally dating a guy, he doesn't know it yet but we are getting married and I have the names of our children picked out. Yep, safe to say I'm that crazy cat lady down the street with the swollen eyes because I'm allergic to cats.
Maybe it's best you don't take any of my advice, the world doesn't need another Marika. Unless I tell you to ALWAYS brush your teeth after you eat, that way you avoid the whole spinach in your teeth scenario.
YOU ARE HILARIOUS
ReplyDeleteThanks, Miss you dude.
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